Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Law school is not for everyone
I had an interview today and about 2 minutes into it, I could feel my eyes watering. When I got in the car, I just lost it. It was another wasteful day. I go into the temp agency only for them to basically say that I was SOL. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I don't feel like being around anyone. Right now, I am a waste of space and just existing -- not living. On top of that, I confronted my boyfriend about why he accepted his new job and he said he can't wait for me to decide what I'm going to do with my life. That hurt like crazy. Going to law school, for me, seems to have been a mistake. I was much more marketable 5 years ago when I graduated in the top 10% of my class with a Business degree. Now, my debt is astronomical and my work experience minimal yet everyone expects so much out of me. Expectations that I cannot continue to try to live up to unless I want to die an early death. I don't know what to do. I'm too embarrassed to go work at the mall or a restaurant because what if I see someone who knows I'm a law school graduate and a bar exam flunkee. They, like my boyfriend, won't understand why, with my education, I can't get a job.
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4 comments:
Keep your chin up....
Once you get the good news this spring (and I'm confident that us repeaters will) victory will be that much sweeter.
F*#% 'em if they can't deal with it. Any bf that is not understanding of what you are going through isn't a keeper.
For that matter- no one else knows what your deal is either- stick with it. The bar is the last hurdle the this nasty equation. There is no way you are going to let it get you down after all those damn law school classes. We're too close!
I often remember an old quote my high school cross country coach told us back in the day:
"The same flame that burns wood...
hardens steel."-Anon
I think that you are going to make it just because you do want to be a lawyer. I am going through the same thing you are going through - haven't passed any bars yet, graduated from college even before you. Going to law school was a mistake. I came out with huge debt and I can't even say I learned that much there either. On top of which, I've been taking the bar for years now. I'm in the process of trying to break into another industry, the one I originally wanted to break into before I chickened out and went to law school. But you know what? I'm not taking the bar until I pass. Even if I never practice and become successful in that other industry. Because now it's about finishing what I started. I'm not there yet and I'm struggling too. But I know I'll make it. So will you. We have to keep plugging away, or else walk away. There's nothing else we can do.
*I meant, I AM taking the bar until I pass. Hm. I wonder if that was a Freudian slip.
Oh, no, I completely feel your pain. I feel like I have no choices about where I work. Meditate, pray, whatever you do to get centered, and focus on what you want to be doing, and the steps it will take to get there. For me, that meant defying the temp agencies that told me I was SOL and convincing myself that I could and would find a job in a law firm as a paralegal or law clerk, where I wouldn't be fired if I didn't pass again. Ultimately, that is what happened. I am not convinced that this is the place I want to practice forever (if I get that chance) but at least it has given me some confidence that I am not SOL and worthless. You will find that too. Seriously, meditate on it every day. My goal was to give the practice of law a shot and to get there I needed to be in and around the practice of law making money until I passed (we're still waiting to see on that one). Despite all the odds being against me, it worked. Yes, I have a ridiculous commute and I work around my political opposites, but that is small shit compared to being broke, near bankruptcy and hating myself for ever having gone to lawschool. You'll get there. You will.
Read "The Secret." Read "The Power of Positive Thinking" and read "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior." Those books changed my outlook during my lowest times.
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