After effects

Does failing the bar ever leave you? No. Yesterday my own family member if they needed to hire a lawyer, they would hire one who passed the bar on the first time.

Job Market

So, the job market sucks, as we all know. I'm kicking myself in the ass for not buckling down in 2006 and passing the exam the first time. I had a job offer -- even if it was only Legal Aid, but now I can't even get a job there. I'm doing doc review work, and have been since 2007. I just signed up for the court-appointed list and got assigned to misdemeanors and probation violations. I'm scared b/c I know NOTHING, but maybe I'll do ok and make some connections... Here's to finding a job!

Marilyn, not a Jackie, ESQ. x 2!

Woo-hoo! I passed the MPRE. I can finally practice in NC. So what does that mean?!?! Every single piece of bar materials I own is now for sale!

2008 was a great year!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...

...is the MPRE! I'm excited and nervous. This is the last step. I've studied this time and feel confident but that confidence is one reason why I am so scared. I don't want to be disappointed. I want this really bad. I'm ready to burn all bar exam materials. I'm ready to start living life. I'm ready to start practicing law. I WANT TO PASS SO BAD.

God, you've been so great to me this year, please help me pass this exam tomorrow. PLEASE...

MPRE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. The MPRE is on Saturday. I'm so nervous. This is the final hurdle to me becoming licensed in NC. I want to pass so bad. I've actualy been studying this time. I don't even know what score I need for NC. I'm trying not to focus on the score but rather doing the best that I can do. I'm praying so hard that I get good news in Dec. It's now or never. All of my fingers are crossed.

The Best and Worst Year of My Life

So...I PASSED the NC Exam...Yes! But...I took the MPRE in March cold, and failed. I signed up to take it in August and skipped it b/c I knew I had bombed the exam. Well, I guess I'm going to sign up and study for the November exam. I can't believe I passed. I won't let the MPRE keep me from be licensed. Wishing myself luck!

Next Tuesday...

Well, I've been away for awhile, but it's almost time for another bar exam. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the exam. I now know that I can pass. I really want to pass b/c I really want to stay in NC. If I don't, I guess I'll be headed down to Georgia. I'll know in about 6-7 weeks. Until then, my fingers are crossed and I'm asking God for a lot of help. TTYS.

My life has changed...

...but not like everyone would think. Wow! So much has happened in the last month. The most exciting thing, of course, is me passing the bar exam! Yay! I thought that after passing the bar, life would be great. It would be, but 2 and 1/2 weeks before the results, my boyfriend and I broke up. Two days before the results, the sh*t hit the fan. It has been a rough 5 weeks. We still talk everyday but it's hard realizing that we are not together. I know he loves me but I also know he's not the man I need him to be right now. So now I don't know what to do. I haven't started studying for NC, but I'm taking it still. I wanted to stay in NC for the 3 months it would take to take the exam and get the results. I can't find an affordable 3 month lease around here so now I need to either move to Georgia or get a 6 month lease in NC. I'm leaning towards the 6 month lease b/c I love NC, however, there is no guarantee that I will pass the exam. I'm going to try my hardest though. I also have the option of waiving into DC, but I do not want to do Document Review work any more. Back to NC. If I get a 6 month lease, I'll be here until Dec. unless I don't pass NC and/or find a job in Ga. I don't want to live with my parents any more. They are putting their house on the market on Friday and I don't plan on moving with them. I also can't live by their rules any more. I'd also be lying if I didn't say I want to stick around and see if me and my guy can work things out. I think we will so I don't want to move out of state feeling like we're going to be together. It's so complicated, but not really. I'm sure everyone says screw him and go to Georgia TODAY! I'm not ready to say that, but I'm ready to start my career.

I PASSED

Thank God!

23 hours and 27 mins....

5 days

Five days until results are posted and I'm getting anxious. I had a dream last night that I got a letter saying I passed. I couldn't believe it. I hope I'm psychic though. Guess I won't know til Friday. I bet this will be the longest week ever.

aaaahhhhhh

I can't escape the bar exam!! I'm sitting in my boyfriend's house watching "Moving Up" and lo and behold one of the couples, Jeff and Daniela, have the red PMBR book sitting on their bed. Oh the insanity

20 days

The waiting game is driving me crazy. I'm spending my days searching to see what states have released their scores. One of my friends took Maryland and I checked to see if she passed but they don't release the names of the applicants, just the ID number. I don't know why it takes so long. May 23 seems so far away. I need to be studying for the NC exam but I can't focus because I'm so anxious about the Georgia results. I really hope that I passed. I love my boyfriend and hate LDRs but I've never wanted to be in an LDR so bad. That would mean that I'm Georgia bound which means I would finally be an Esquire!!

OMG

Well the results are almost in. 22 days away. May 23, 2008 will either be the most exciting day of my life or the most depressing day of my life. I try not to think about it but so many things are riding on this. I've told no one the date that the scores are released but my boyfriend keeps talking about it. My parents haven't yet, but as the month goes by it will be an ongoing question. Who knows. I want to be positive but I'm way to scorned for that.

Hanging On

I'm still hanging on...and still stressed out. I've been living with my parents since December and my welcome is officially worn out. I don't know what I'm going to do but the unanimous consensus is that I cannot stay there for much longer. My mom, who did my taxes and thus knows how much I'm getting back, is demanding that I spend my refund on a place to live. That's a fine idea but what happens when the money runs out? I still am doing contract work which means I never know when I'm going to be working. I want to take time off for the bar as well. My boyfriend offered to let me stay with him for a while so that I can afford to buy a car. My mom is 100% against that idea. It's like I can't win. I turned 27 last week and am still living by other people's rules. From a purely financial POV, living with my BF would be an excellent idea. From a peace of mind POV, it would be great and awful. My mom would talk so much crap about me living with him and I fear that if I needed financial assistance, my parents would tell me to go ask my BF since I want to "play house." Also, I know we'd fight some and I couldn't go running back to my parents' house. However, I know that my mind would be at ease b/c I would get to see him everyday and some of the financial burdens would disappear. Don't know what I'm going to do but when I find out, I'll let you know.

I don't need sympathy

The purpose of this blog is not to seek sympathy. This is actually a sort of therapy for me. I do find it ironic, however, that people tell me to drop my boyfriend b/c he doesn't fully support me in my constant retaking of the bar yet these strangers are telling me to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get over it...oh yeah, and take some medication. Thanks!

Anyway, I got a second job this week. I'm pulling documents from the courthouse for Thomson West. I also just started a new Doc. Review project. I need funds fast so I can get out of my parents' house b/c my mom is on my last nerve. I also need to pay for BarBri. I also applied for another Doc. Review job that pays more and is only PT. I hope I get that job so I can quit working for this temp agency.

Epiphany

So, here I am. It's 9:25 p.m. and I've started studying again. After taking Georgia in February, I'm gearing up for NC (round 4) again. This time, I have a study partner. This, I think, will help based solely upon the theories of accountability and guilt. When I go at it alone and don't feel like studying, I don't. Now, however, if I pull a no-show, I look like a slacker. It'll be interesting to see how this goes. My study partner graduated 3 years ago and has been on a hiatus from the law for that entire time. At least we have a 2 month head start on the BarBri classes. Our goal is to get through every subject once before BarBri begins on May 19. We probably won't, but we're starting with the hardest subjects first, so at least we'll have reviewed/looked at those subjects once before heading to class. I'm going to go to the night class this time. I feel that I still need to work. I got my first unemployment check this week and while it's nice, I'd like to be working. On the other hand, my lease on my car expires in May and I just rented out my condo this week so that frees up a whole lot of money. If I live at home with mom and dad and drive my old car, the only thing I will have to pay is insurance on that car and my student loan each month. That's very doable with my weekly unemployment check. So, I think I just changed my mind. I'll live off of the system, drive my old car, and live with my parents until the bar exam is over! Damn, I better pass.

Law school is not for everyone

I had an interview today and about 2 minutes into it, I could feel my eyes watering. When I got in the car, I just lost it. It was another wasteful day. I go into the temp agency only for them to basically say that I was SOL. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I don't feel like being around anyone. Right now, I am a waste of space and just existing -- not living. On top of that, I confronted my boyfriend about why he accepted his new job and he said he can't wait for me to decide what I'm going to do with my life. That hurt like crazy. Going to law school, for me, seems to have been a mistake. I was much more marketable 5 years ago when I graduated in the top 10% of my class with a Business degree. Now, my debt is astronomical and my work experience minimal yet everyone expects so much out of me. Expectations that I cannot continue to try to live up to unless I want to die an early death. I don't know what to do. I'm too embarrassed to go work at the mall or a restaurant because what if I see someone who knows I'm a law school graduate and a bar exam flunkee. They, like my boyfriend, won't understand why, with my education, I can't get a job.

Ummm...I'm screwed

So, I've exhausted all of my possibilities on craigslist, careerbuilder, yahoo, higheredjobs, chronicle, and monster. I send my resume to temp agencies and they say they have more qualified candidates. How is a high school or college grad more qualified than me? Fortunately, I got a call from Office Team today. They have two legal secretary positions, one is doing transcription and I have to be able to type 75 wpm. They also have a litigation paralegal job (crossing my fingers). I don't know how much it pays but I'm sure it's less than my document review position. I figure I'd have to take the pay cut in order to get experience and possibly a job as an associate should I ever pass the NC Bar. This job requires 1600 billable hours and an 80 caseload <--- don't know what that really means.

As for the document review job, that's a bunch of crap. First of all, other other doc review jobs make at least $35/hr but in NC the highest I've seen is $23 for licensed attorneys and that's in Charlotte. Raleigh only pays $20 licensed or not.

On another note, I am soooooooo pissed off with my boyfriend. First of all, he hasn't given me his car payment for March 2. Second, I come to his apartment today and there is a letter on his door stating that if he didn't pay his rent by 9 am tomorrow that they would file eviction papers with the courthouse. Last week he owed $877, today he owes $933. His rent is only $710. He said he paid the agency $750, but since he never put the electric bill in his name, he now owes that too, and they want all or nothing. For the first time, I can't help him b/c I only have $15 to my name. I don't feel bad but this adds to the stress. I don't understand how he can be so irresponsible with money. I understand that with his new job and gas prices, he has fuel his truck up everyday for the 2 hour-round trip drive and has had to do that for the past 2 weeks without yet getting recompensed, but I cannot accept that as an excuse. This is just adding to my frustration with him. He accepted this new position, which he should have, but it's not in a place that I would ever want to live, and now he's going to have to move again. After 2 1/2 years together, I am so ready to be married or at least engaged. That's not going to happen because we can't even end up in the same city. I told him that this must be a sign from God. I tried to be comical about it, but I was sooooo serious.

On top of that I have to ask my parents for money for my car payment and HOA fees...that after my mom just gave me money for my late NC Bar Application, mortgage on the house I no longer live in, and car & home insurance last week. I won't even ask her to help with the credit card bills that are out of this world. So, what am I going to do? The only thing I knew to do was to file for unemployment. I filed last week but will not get a check until next week. All of that money will go towards paying back my MARCH 1, student loan bill.

I feel screwed. At least I have plenty of time to go to they gym now.

I want my life back

I want my life back. Since taking the Georgia Bar Exam, it has really sunken in that I am miserable. Two years ago, I seemed destined for success. Now, I am living a miserable existence because I DO want to be lawyer. I was googling classmates last night and saw all of the big firms they have worked their way up to already while I'm sitting here unemployed and turned down for paralegal and legal secretary positions. I don't have a Plan B.

My boyfriend who is a college dropout just got a promotion at work and now makes what I was making as a Document Review "Attorney." He told me the other day I was like his 30 y/o brother. The thing is, his brother is a deadbeat who can't hold down a job. My mom said she is tired of me being in my current situation. My dad doesn't even acknowledge the fact that I'm still taking the bar -- or that I even went to law school. I'm miserable. People I know who went to law school after me are now lawyers. I'll be taking the July exam with the class of 2008.

I've found a study partner, but she's been out of school and the legal field for 3 years so I don't know how that's going to work. I guess it'll just make me go to the library. To see her pass and me not would be devastating. July is my last chance, for now. I don't know what I'll do if I failed Ga. and fail NC in July.

Oh, btw, did I mention I totally bombed the MPRE yesterday? Oh well, it's offered 3x/year @ $60. I'd rather have to re-take that than the bar. Actually, I'm pissed that NC's scores are only valid for 2 years. You know you've been at this too long when your scores have expired.