I'm a Marilyn, not a Jackie

After effects

2009-10-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

Does failing the bar ever leave you? No. Yesterday my own family member if they needed to hire a lawyer, they would hire one who passed the bar on the first time.

Job Market

2009-06-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

So, the job market sucks, as we all know. I'm kicking myself in the ass for not buckling down in 2006 and passing the exam the first time. I had a job offer -- even if it was only Legal Aid, but now I can't even get a job there. I'm doing doc review work, and have been since 2007. I just signed up for the court-appointed list and got assigned to misdemeanors and probation violations. I'm scared b/c I know NOTHING, but maybe I'll do ok and make some connections... Here's to finding a job!

Marilyn, not a Jackie, ESQ. x 2!

2008-12-11T14:28:00.000-08:00

Woo-hoo! I passed the MPRE. I can finally practice in NC. So what does that mean?!?! Every single piece of bar materials I own is now for sale!

2008 was a great year!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...

2008-11-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

...is the MPRE! I'm excited and nervous. This is the last step. I've studied this time and feel confident but that confidence is one reason why I am so scared. I don't want to be disappointed. I want this really bad. I'm ready to burn all bar exam materials. I'm ready to start living life. I'm ready to start practicing law. I WANT TO PASS SO BAD.

God, you've been so great to me this year, please help me pass this exam tomorrow. PLEASE...

MPRE

2008-11-03T04:09:00.000-08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. The MPRE is on Saturday. I'm so nervous. This is the final hurdle to me becoming licensed in NC. I want to pass so bad. I've actualy been studying this time. I don't even know what score I need for NC. I'm trying not to focus on the score but rather doing the best that I can do. I'm praying so hard that I get good news in Dec. It's now or never. All of my fingers are crossed.

The Best and Worst Year of My Life

2008-09-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

So...I PASSED the NC Exam...Yes! But...I took the MPRE in March cold, and failed. I signed up to take it in August and skipped it b/c I knew I had bombed the exam. Well, I guess I'm going to sign up and study for the November exam. I can't believe I passed. I won't let the MPRE keep me from be licensed. Wishing myself luck!

Next Tuesday...

2008-07-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been away for awhile, but it's almost time for another bar exam. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the exam. I now know that I can pass. I really want to pass b/c I really want to stay in NC. If I don't, I guess I'll be headed down to Georgia. I'll know in about 6-7 weeks. Until then, my fingers are crossed and I'm asking God for a lot of help. TTYS.

My life has changed...

2008-06-11T13:01:00.000-07:00

...but not like everyone would think. Wow! So much has happened in the last month. The most exciting thing, of course, is me passing the bar exam! Yay! I thought that after passing the bar, life would be great. It would be, but 2 and 1/2 weeks before the results, my boyfriend and I broke up. Two days before the results, the sh*t hit the fan. It has been a rough 5 weeks. We still talk everyday but it's hard realizing that we are not together. I know he loves me but I also know he's not the man I need him to be right now. So now I don't know what to do. I haven't started studying for NC, but I'm taking it still. I wanted to stay in NC for the 3 months it would take to take the exam and get the results. I can't find an affordable 3 month lease around here so now I need to either move to Georgia or get a 6 month lease in NC. I'm leaning towards the 6 month lease b/c I love NC, however, there is no guarantee that I will pass the exam. I'm going to try my hardest though. I also have the option of waiving into DC, but I do not want to do Document Review work any more. Back to NC. If I get a 6 month lease, I'll be here until Dec. unless I don't pass NC and/or find a job in Ga. I don't want to live with my parents any more. They are putting their house on the market on Friday and I don't plan on moving with them. I also can't live by their rules any more. I'd also be lying if I didn't say I want to stick around and see if me and my guy can work things out. I think we will so I don't want to move out of state feeling like we're going to be together. It's so complicated, but not really. I'm sure everyone says screw him and go to Georgia TODAY! I'm not ready to say that, but I'm ready to start my career.

I PASSED

2008-05-23T13:10:00.001-07:00

Thank God!

23 hours and 27 mins....

2008-05-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

5 days

2008-05-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

Five days until results are posted and I'm getting anxious. I had a dream last night that I got a letter saying I passed. I couldn't believe it. I hope I'm psychic though. Guess I won't know til Friday. I bet this will be the longest week ever.

aaaahhhhhh

2008-05-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

I can't escape the bar exam!! I'm sitting in my boyfriend's house watching "Moving Up" and lo and behold one of the couples, Jeff and Daniela, have the red PMBR book sitting on their bed. Oh the insanity

20 days

2008-05-03T16:23:00.000-07:00

The waiting game is driving me crazy. I'm spending my days searching to see what states have released their scores. One of my friends took Maryland and I checked to see if she passed but they don't release the names of the applicants, just the ID number. I don't know why it takes so long. May 23 seems so far away. I need to be studying for the NC exam but I can't focus because I'm so anxious about the Georgia results. I really hope that I passed. I love my boyfriend and hate LDRs but I've never wanted to be in an LDR so bad. That would mean that I'm Georgia bound which means I would finally be an Esquire!!

OMG

2008-05-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Well the results are almost in. 22 days away. May 23, 2008 will either be the most exciting day of my life or the most depressing day of my life. I try not to think about it but so many things are riding on this. I've told no one the date that the scores are released but my boyfriend keeps talking about it. My parents haven't yet, but as the month goes by it will be an ongoing question. Who knows. I want to be positive but I'm way to scorned for that.

Hanging On

2008-04-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm still hanging on...and still stressed out. I've been living with my parents since December and my welcome is officially worn out. I don't know what I'm going to do but the unanimous consensus is that I cannot stay there for much longer. My mom, who did my taxes and thus knows how much I'm getting back, is demanding that I spend my refund on a place to live. That's a fine idea but what happens when the money runs out? I still am doing contract work which means I never know when I'm going to be working. I want to take time off for the bar as well. My boyfriend offered to let me stay with him for a while so that I can afford to buy a car. My mom is 100% against that idea. It's like I can't win. I turned 27 last week and am still living by other people's rules. From a purely financial POV, living with my BF would be an excellent idea. From a peace of mind POV, it would be great and awful. My mom would talk so much crap about me living with him and I fear that if I needed financial assistance, my parents would tell me to go ask my BF since I want to "play house." Also, I know we'd fight some and I couldn't go running back to my parents' house. However, I know that my mind would be at ease b/c I would get to see him everyday and some of the financial burdens would disappear. Don't know what I'm going to do but when I find out, I'll let you know.

I don't need sympathy

2008-04-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

The purpose of this blog is not to seek sympathy. This is actually a sort of therapy for me. I do find it ironic, however, that people tell me to drop my boyfriend b/c he doesn't fully support me in my constant retaking of the bar yet these strangers are telling me to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get over it...oh yeah, and take some medication. Thanks!

Anyway, I got a second job this week. I'm pulling documents from the courthouse for Thomson West. I also just started a new Doc. Review project. I need funds fast so I can get out of my parents' house b/c my mom is on my last nerve. I also need to pay for BarBri. I also applied for another Doc. Review job that pays more and is only PT. I hope I get that job so I can quit working for this temp agency.

Epiphany

2008-03-24T18:25:00.001-07:00

So, here I am. It's 9:25 p.m. and I've started studying again. After taking Georgia in February, I'm gearing up for NC (round 4) again. This time, I have a study partner. This, I think, will help based solely upon the theories of accountability and guilt. When I go at it alone and don't feel like studying, I don't. Now, however, if I pull a no-show, I look like a slacker. It'll be interesting to see how this goes. My study partner graduated 3 years ago and has been on a hiatus from the law for that entire time. At least we have a 2 month head start on the BarBri classes. Our goal is to get through every subject once before BarBri begins on May 19. We probably won't, but we're starting with the hardest subjects first, so at least we'll have reviewed/looked at those subjects once before heading to class. I'm going to go to the night class this time. I feel that I still need to work. I got my first unemployment check this week and while it's nice, I'd like to be working. On the other hand, my lease on my car expires in May and I just rented out my condo this week so that frees up a whole lot of money. If I live at home with mom and dad and drive my old car, the only thing I will have to pay is insurance on that car and my student loan each month. That's very doable with my weekly unemployment check. So, I think I just changed my mind. I'll live off of the system, drive my old car, and live with my parents until the bar exam is over! Damn, I better pass.

Law school is not for everyone

2008-03-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

I had an interview today and about 2 minutes into it, I could feel my eyes watering. When I got in the car, I just lost it. It was another wasteful day. I go into the temp agency only for them to basically say that I was SOL. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I don't feel like being around anyone. Right now, I am a waste of space and just existing -- not living. On top of that, I confronted my boyfriend about why he accepted his new job and he said he can't wait for me to decide what I'm going to do with my life. That hurt like crazy. Going to law school, for me, seems to have been a mistake. I was much more marketable 5 years ago when I graduated in the top 10% of my class with a Business degree. Now, my debt is astronomical and my work experience minimal yet everyone expects so much out of me. Expectations that I cannot continue to try to live up to unless I want to die an early death. I don't know what to do. I'm too embarrassed to go work at the mall or a restaurant because what if I see someone who knows I'm a law school graduate and a bar exam flunkee. They, like my boyfriend, won't understand why, with my education, I can't get a job.

Ummm...I'm screwed

2008-03-10T16:44:00.001-07:00

So, I've exhausted all of my possibilities on craigslist, careerbuilder, yahoo, higheredjobs, chronicle, and monster. I send my resume to temp agencies and they say they have more qualified candidates. How is a high school or college grad more qualified than me? Fortunately, I got a call from Office Team today. They have two legal secretary positions, one is doing transcription and I have to be able to type 75 wpm. They also have a litigation paralegal job (crossing my fingers). I don't know how much it pays but I'm sure it's less than my document review position. I figure I'd have to take the pay cut in order to get experience and possibly a job as an associate should I ever pass the NC Bar. This job requires 1600 billable hours and an 80 caseload <--- don't know what that really means.

As for the document review job, that's a bunch of crap. First of all, other other doc review jobs make at least $35/hr but in NC the highest I've seen is $23 for licensed attorneys and that's in Charlotte. Raleigh only pays $20 licensed or not.

On another note, I am soooooooo pissed off with my boyfriend. First of all, he hasn't given me his car payment for March 2. Second, I come to his apartment today and there is a letter on his door stating that if he didn't pay his rent by 9 am tomorrow that they would file eviction papers with the courthouse. Last week he owed $877, today he owes $933. His rent is only $710. He said he paid the agency $750, but since he never put the electric bill in his name, he now owes that too, and they want all or nothing. For the first time, I can't help him b/c I only have $15 to my name. I don't feel bad but this adds to the stress. I don't understand how he can be so irresponsible with money. I understand that with his new job and gas prices, he has fuel his truck up everyday for the 2 hour-round trip drive and has had to do that for the past 2 weeks without yet getting recompensed, but I cannot accept that as an excuse. This is just adding to my frustration with him. He accepted this new position, which he should have, but it's not in a place that I would ever want to live, and now he's going to have to move again. After 2 1/2 years together, I am so ready to be married or at least engaged. That's not going to happen because we can't even end up in the same city. I told him that this must be a sign from God. I tried to be comical about it, but I was sooooo serious.

On top of that I have to ask my parents for money for my car payment and HOA fees...that after my mom just gave me money for my late NC Bar Application, mortgage on the house I no longer live in, and car & home insurance last week. I won't even ask her to help with the credit card bills that are out of this world. So, what am I going to do? The only thing I knew to do was to file for unemployment. I filed last week but will not get a check until next week. All of that money will go towards paying back my MARCH 1, student loan bill.

I feel screwed. At least I have plenty of time to go to they gym now.

I want my life back

2008-03-09T05:19:00.000-07:00

I want my life back. Since taking the Georgia Bar Exam, it has really sunken in that I am miserable. Two years ago, I seemed destined for success. Now, I am living a miserable existence because I DO want to be lawyer. I was googling classmates last night and saw all of the big firms they have worked their way up to already while I'm sitting here unemployed and turned down for paralegal and legal secretary positions. I don't have a Plan B.

My boyfriend who is a college dropout just got a promotion at work and now makes what I was making as a Document Review "Attorney." He told me the other day I was like his 30 y/o brother. The thing is, his brother is a deadbeat who can't hold down a job. My mom said she is tired of me being in my current situation. My dad doesn't even acknowledge the fact that I'm still taking the bar -- or that I even went to law school. I'm miserable. People I know who went to law school after me are now lawyers. I'll be taking the July exam with the class of 2008.

I've found a study partner, but she's been out of school and the legal field for 3 years so I don't know how that's going to work. I guess it'll just make me go to the library. To see her pass and me not would be devastating. July is my last chance, for now. I don't know what I'll do if I failed Ga. and fail NC in July.

Oh, btw, did I mention I totally bombed the MPRE yesterday? Oh well, it's offered 3x/year @ $60. I'd rather have to re-take that than the bar. Actually, I'm pissed that NC's scores are only valid for 2 years. You know you've been at this too long when your scores have expired.

HERE I GO AGAIN

2008-03-03T07:43:00.001-08:00

Well, the February Exam is over and no I sit here finidng myself trying to finish the NC application for July (which btw is due tomorrow). Also, I have to take the MPRE again on Saturday since NC scores can only be 2 years old. Sadly, I haven't studied one bit for it which I know I should b/c if I fail, I can't take it again until August and NC's scores will be out before the August MPRE scores.

On another note, I didn't panic that much before or during the exam but find myself panicking a lot now. I just don't know if I have it in me to take another bar exam after this one in July. I pray to God that I passed the one in February and will pass the one in July. Please pray for me.

Let the countdown begin

2008-02-28T12:55:00.001-08:00

Well, it's over -- for good or bad. Let the countdown begin.

Good Luck

2008-02-24T13:42:00.000-08:00

Good Luck to all -- including me!

Anxiety

2008-02-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

OMG, the anxiety is crippling me. I cannot concentrate and I'm eating like crazy. I need to get through Con Law, Corps, and Property one more good time and there are only 4 more study days left. Still haven't done enough Con Law or Prop questions so I guess that's what I'll be doing from here on out.

Things left to do:
- read through
Corps
MBE state distinctions
previous MPTs
old essays
- do every Con Law & Property MBE question that I can

Is that too much left to do at this stage?

3,2,1...1,2,3...I won't let this get the best of me

2008-02-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

We all know how many days there are until the exam. The thing that is frustrating me is that I cannot comprehend these freaking Con Law and Property MBE questions. They're so long and reading through the fact patterns is confusing me. If there is anyone out there still blogging, please HELP! Just had to get that off of my chest. Back to studying.

I can do this...right?

2008-02-13T19:00:00.001-08:00

I'm a bit more coherent now! Today was officially the last day of work...I think. The next 11 or so days will be all about the MBE. I plan on focusing on that heavily and an essay topic or 2 each day. I'm not ready yet, but feel that I can be by the time I arrive in Atlanta on 24th. I have to think this way or else I'm going to have a freakin' breakdown.

Tomorrow I'm going to finish the remaining Crim. questions and try to do 100 Property questions along with Wills (my favorite essay topic) and PR. That seems like a lot, but is very doable. Crim will take about 30 mins as will Wills. I'll spend about 45 mins. on PR and the rest of the day on Property. I need to rack up as many points possible on the MBE.

Anyway, enough about the exam. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day! My stupid boyfriend has to work out of town tomorow:( He did, however, stop by my house tonight and deliver my presents and we'll go out to dinner on Friday! This was by far the cheapest Valentine's Day yet, but I got exactly what I asked for and needed so I'm happy. I got my chocolate candy! my flowers! more candy! and a new ipod! My old ipod is dying and it has all of my bar materials on it so I desperately needed a new one. He got me the top of the line ipod. It's so sleek and cool and I'm not going to sleep tonight until I have all of my music and lectures on it. I'll worry about figuring out the wi-fi and movies tomorrow -- after I go buy his gifts (if there's anything left).

time is flying

2008-02-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't been on much lately. That's because I've been working (thankfully we've been limited to 40 hours per week) and trying to study. I feel that I'm at an ok place. Done with all the essay topics except ST and Comm. Paper -- halfway through each of those, but they haven't been tested on in years. Don't want to leave any leaf unturned though. Haven't really progressed through the MBEs. I've done 100 torts and 100 Evidence. 0 Con Law and 0 Property. I'm kicking but in Crim and doing well in E, but was disappointed with my 54% in torts, my favorite subject.

Work was supposed to end yesterday but they called a few of us in today. Don't know what that means. I've made flash cards for Civ Pro which is really helping and a great way to study at work. I also finally opened my MBE flash cards from PMBR which I've had for 2 years! I haven't booked a flight or hotel for the exam although I found a roundtrip flight for $150 yesterday. I supppose I will do that today and my mom said price doesn't matter for the hotel since I'm going all by myself. I asked my boyfriend to go with me but he can't get off of work. It's probably for the best. He can watch the dogs and I can be 100% sure that I won't get in an argument with anyone. The only thing that scares me is being in a big city by myself while taking the bar exam. There seems to be tons of hotels within 2-6 mi. of the testing center and airport so as long as I can get from the airport to the hotel to the testing center, I should be fine.

Getting ready to go to work. Hope to write more soon. Good luck to all, esp. repeaters!

Does Slow and Steady Win the Race?

2008-01-28T20:30:00.001-08:00

Let's see. I'm still working 12 hours. My boyfriend is away with work until Saturday!! Oh yeah, and I've started doing MBE (minimal so far) and I have started on the last 3 essay subjects: property, comm paper, and ST. I have to do about 5 pages at a time with CP and ST and I forced myself to do 20 pages of property. These are the 3 subjects I've always ignored so any studying is more studying. It's just going slower now since I don't have a good grasp on these topics. The CP and ST handouts are about 35 pages but Property is 150+ pages. At this rate, I'll finish CP and ST this week and if I push hard I could finish Property by Sunday (fingers crossed).

Stealing Time

2008-01-22T19:19:00.001-08:00

They say that if a group of women are around each other long enough that their monthly visits will start to be synchronized. Does the same thing go for relationships? Out of the 4 of us at work, we are all pissed at our mates. One is going through a divorce, another broke up with her long-term husband, and the newlywed's husband is giving her the silent treatment. As for me...let's just say that at this point in time, my relationship SUCKS (of course through no fault of my own...seriously). The worst part is that after getting in a HUGE argument last night, today my boyfriend wants to act like nothing happened. Usually I'm ok the day after an argument, but not this time. He said some down right hurtful things last night. He put me in a bad mood which caused me to snap at my poor dad and go to work with "tear" bags under my eyes. Then, he had the nerve to tell me what he wanted for Valentine's Day. I felt like telling him to kiss my skinny ass. I deserve the world for Valentine's Day and every other day for that matter. At work today, all I could think about is that I don't have time for this right now -- and maybe any more. He's so emotionally draining, financially needy, and I think, borderline, bi-polar. Anyway, enough space wasted on him.

I'm feeling good about my progress so far. I have gone through every subject except for property, commercial paper, and secured transactions. I could have every subject completed by this weekend, but I won't b/c I have saved the worst 3 subjects for last. For some reason though, I have been wide awake after working my 12 hour days and have found to review a little. Additionally, I take my books to work and steal study time every chance I get. Yesterday our computers were down for 2 hours so I got to study for 2 hours while getting paid. Also, the bosses don't come in until 9 but the office opens at 730 so from 730-9 I study and then from 630-730 I do the same (although I'm less alert and more tired by that time). I also find a few minutes of downtime during the day to crack open the book. I usually just review notes I've taken or go over the state distinctions. These are things that don't require 100% attention.

I should probably go to sleep now so I can get ready for the long day ahead. I need to remind myself to look for hotels and flights for the exam and to sign up to take the MPRE again (since my last one has now expired) before the 31st. Buenas Noches.

An alternative career

2008-01-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

Well it's starting to snow in NC. It's not sticking yet, but the weathermen say it will. I've had a rough 24 hours with my "boyfriend." We're at an impasse and I don't know what's going to happen with us. I don't want to imagine my life without him but I may have to. Last night some fellow document reviewers and I took a pole dancing class at BRisque. It was sooo much fun and a great way to get my mind off of everything I'm dealing with. If this lawyer thing doesn't work out, maybe I'll take up dancing...hey, a girl's gotta pay back her $140,000+ worth of law school loans.

Today, though, I opened my PMBR book for the first time and got 21/33 (63%) on the Torts questions from the Blue Book. In a few minutes I'm going to take a shot at the Evidence questions. I'm behind the schedule I set for myself, but with this snow I hopefully wil make some more progress. Gotta get back to studying. Hope to write more soon. Cheers!

T-44 days

2008-01-13T03:22:00.000-08:00

44 days until the bar exam and I'm feeling anxious. I haven't gotten through all of the topics yet nor have I started any practice essays or MBEs. I feel like I still have enough time though. My plan is to finish getting through the lecture handouts by the 26th. That'll give me a month to focus exclusively on doing practice tests. It's very doable. I only have a few more lecture handouts to get through, but they're the hardest ones...commercial paper, property, crim. pro., K, trusts, and secured transactions. Today is going to be devoted to K and tomorrow crim. pro. The hardest part of this all is working a 45-50 hour work week. Fortunately we can listen to music at work so I've been listening to the PMBR CDs on my ipod.

I'm feeling positive though b/c it has finally hit me that I can't do this again. Well, I will in July, but hopefully it'll be less stressful b/c I'll already have "Esq." behind my name.

I often wonder how far along everyone else is in this process.

Happy New Year

2008-01-06T22:53:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! This is the year I become an Esquire! My goal is to be licensed in Ga, NC, and DC (via waiver) by year's end. This most recent move has shown me that it's time to get this done. I need to start and move on with my life, and do what makes me happy. The first step is to pass the Feb. Bar!

Balancing Act

2007-12-24T14:32:00.000-08:00

So, I've settled into the document review job and it's ok. I'm working like a dog though and not having much time to study or do anything else. I downloaded my PMBR CDs onto my ipod and listen to it at work since we're allowed to listen to music, but that's impossible to bear for 8-10 hours a day and I often find myself rewinding the lecture b/c I have dozed off. Anyhow, I need to come up with a plan ASAP b/c I really want to pass the bar exam this time. Looks like I'll be studying all day tomorrow and New Years and Sundays since those are my only days off. Pray for me and wish me luck.

sigh...

2007-12-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back. After two weeks of being unemployed and computer-less, I'm back. I'll be doing Document Review work for the next 3 weeks. I'll be making almost half as much as I was making before. I'm so happy...not! At 26, I've moved back in with my parents for the 2nd time since graduating from law school. I'm definitely not where I thought I'd be a year and a half after law school.

The Stress

2007-11-28T08:34:00.000-08:00

OK, it's official. The stress of everything is getting to me. I sat down and made a list of all of the things that I feel I need to do and it is overwhelming. I can feel the stress all in my body. All I want to do is sleep and wake up with "esq." behind my name. I honestly feel that I deserve it. I know way more than those who have passed and would make one hell of a lawyer. I constantly wonder how everyone else put all the stresses aside for 2-3 months and accomplished their goal of passing the bar. What did they do that I'm not doing?

Is some job better than no job?

2007-11-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it to the gym last night for the first time in months. It was actually quite refreshing. I still feel guilty for being gone all day at work and then leaving my baby, Noah, at home alone again. Even when no one else is, he's happy to see me.

I also had a telephone interview this morning at a law school for the position of a Development Coordinator. Although it's a 3rd tier law school, it consistently boasts a 97-100% pass rate on the NC bar exam. I figured that would be great since I'm gonna try for the NC bar again in July. Any remote excitement was zapped away when I was told that the starting salary was $25,000. I almost choked. That's less than I made when I took a job as a police telecommunicator (and was living rent free w/ my parents) after failing the bar the first time. I guess my job hunt is still on.

Post-Thanksgiving Ordeal

2007-11-26T07:54:00.000-08:00

So, we always spend Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family, but this year my dad's mom and grandmother decided to invite themselves to the festivities also. My grandmother knows that I don't care for her so we stay out of each other's way. Well, I'm already stressing over the bar, finding a new job, and buying a car. 3 years ago I started on my journey to losing weight. I lost it, and was happy with myself. Now with all of the stresses, I find myself stress eating. I still wear the same size -- 6 -- and am not overweight by any stretch of the imagination. I have noticed I've gained a few pounds though. The thing is that when you have struggled with weight, the last thing you need to hear is someone putting you down. While my great grandmother insisted that I had lost weight and was perfect, my grandmother, whose presence I was in 3 whole times in 3 days, disagreed. She repeatedly felt the need to say that I wasn't skinny and that she didn't know why people kept saying that I was. In fact, that was all she said to me all weekend, except for hello.

This has triggered something in me so today I vowed to go back to the gym and start following Dr. Phil's plan again. I know my boyfriend and mom will be on my case b/c they thought I was too skinny in the first place but it's something I have to do. Losing 6 pounds would be ok, but 10 would be great and lower than I've ever weighed. This is just another obstacle in my way.

Big Lots

2007-11-19T09:08:00.000-08:00

My co-worker and I are both in LD relationships and our significant others live in the same city. Well, as I have mentioned before, my co-worker and I get along well because we have similar educational backgrounds and are only 1 year apart in age. So, he just bought a house and his girlfriend just bought a townhouse. Well, while visiting my boyfriend this weekend, I was in Big Lots (a store I can't believe he was in b/c he insists that he is high class and only buys expensive things) sitting down (because I HATE all types of shopping). I look up and who is there? My co-worker and his girlfriend. We caught each others' eye, smirked, and he walked away. He did not want me to meet his girlfriend. So, what did I do? I got up, got my boyfriend and marched right on over to my co-worker and his girlfriend. She looked me up and down wondering who the hell I was. I introduced my boyfriend to them and my co-worker just stood there. So, I introduced myself and told her how much I'd heard about her (to make her feel better). I say all of this for one simple reason. I want to know why guys lie, and why they don't think they're lies will catch up to them.

I get into work today and he said his girlfriend was angry over the meeting because apparently I'm not ugly like he said I was or black like he said I was. I guess she now has reason to be insecure about our relationship. That's a relationship that doesn't exist. I talk to him to pass the time away at work and that's it. I would never call him up because I know she would be mad, and if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be too.

Cranky old bitches

2007-11-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

No offense, but today I am pissed off. I work temp. in the legal department at a state-supported institution here in NC. There are 2 attorneys, a secretary, and me -- 3 women and 1 man. The General Counsel is 60-something, single, wears a bad wig, does no work, is in the early stages of alzheimer's, and last week she smelled like fish. The secretary is 44, just got engaged after 6 years, doesn't want children, has her MBA, and is a conniving bitch. The Assistant Legal Counsel graduated the same year I did and is easy to get along with. I don't trust him farther than I can see him though. I make more money than all of them except for the old lady. I drive a better and newer car than all of them. I am skinnier than all of them. That's a recipe for disaster, and disaster struck a month ago when in a fit of jealousy, the secrerary lied on me to the boss. Ever since then, life here has been hell. Today, in my weekly meeting with fish lady, she tells me that she is not going to extend my temporary term. This after she gave me more assignments to finish today. She will not be here next week, and my term expires on the 30th. I wish I would do another drop of work for her. There are so many completed projects that she hasn't even reviewed. So, now in the midst of studying for the bar again and everything else I have to deal with, I now have to search for a new job which likely means I will have to move since job opportunities here are slim to none. By moving, I mean moving back home with mom and dad until I can rent or sell my condo and find a place to live in Raleigh.

On my very last nerve

2007-11-14T11:28:00.001-08:00

So, I've been making progress on my studying. Since I received my books 8 or 9 days ago, I've gotten through 4 subjects and am on my 5th. I really know that if I study, I can and will pass this exam. The only problem is my selfish boyfriend. He thinks every problem he has is important, and that I am supposed to solve all of them. It is really making me dislike him A LOT. I know he doesn't fully grasp what studying for the bar is like, but at some point I would think that he would be like "Damn, she has been studying for the past 1 1/2 years. Maybe I should support her so she can pass this test and we can move forward with our lives." That's what any normal person would do. I can't deal with the stress of a needy boyfriend, an LDR, and the bar exam (again) for the next 3 1/2 months. He's supposed to be my boyfriend, not my child. The reason that I don't have children right now is because, at this point in my life, I have neither the time nor patience for them. I'd be a worse parent than Britney Spears -- allegedly is.

BarBri = CHA CHING

2007-11-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

Man, oh man, BarBri is a money making machine. I already knew that they were overpriced, but imagine my surprise when I went looking for used Ga. BarBri materials. Fortunately I was able to find a heck of a deal. I got all of the books in good condition (handouts already done) for $475. All in all it cost me less than $500 when you add shipping. So, when the materials arrived, like any student on the first day of class or any dieter on the first day of a diet, I was pumped and ready to go. I opened the book and WHAT?!?! These are the EXACT same handouts I got 1 1/2 years ago when studying for the NC Bar Exam. What a scam! I would have been pissed if I'd paid full price. And why are we paying so much if they're just reproducing the same handouts for every state over several years? How much money do they really need? Multiply (+/-) $2000 x 80,000. Even if every new graduate doesn't take BarBri, we still have repeaters, Attorneys, etc. Either way you cut it, the math turns out the same. It costs too damn much.

NC vs. Ga.

2007-11-06T13:27:00.001-08:00

So, I started studying for the bar exam last night!! I started with a topic that I like but have not done well on at the actual bar exam -- Family Law. It's amazing that the handouts for Ga. are only 13 pages. This is much less than the 30-40 page lecture handouts NC gives you. Ga. also has far less topics to familiarize yourself with than NC.

Since it was a slow day, as usual, at work, I tried to study another short topic. I started with PR and then went to Agency. I finally had to close the book b/c I'm noticing that there are some very distinct differences in NC law and Ga. law on these topics. This brings me to my next moment of anxiety. I'm so scared I'm going to start a Ga. essay by saying, "In North Carolina..." I am also fearful of applying NC law to a Ga. question. I just need to re-program my brain and I should be fine -- right?

Study Time

2007-11-05T11:31:00.001-08:00

Well, the BarBri materials that I found at an AWESOME price on craigslist arrived today. When I opened the mailbox at lunchtime, I found the the "sorry I missed you" note. Sorry you missed me? Not quite, I hopped in my car and chased the mailman down. For some reason I'm somewhat excited about receiving the materials. I guess it's a new state and a new chance. I just hope my commitment to studying isn't like my current commitment to working out! We'll see... Here's to studying and passing on the first try!

A Jumbled Mess

2007-11-02T05:26:00.000-07:00

I'm so stressed out I could cry. I'm at a job that bores me to death. I'm in a city where the only people I know are the few people that stuck around here after graduating 1 1/2 years ago -- and who ALL passed the bar which means I can't bear to face them. I'm ready to get married and start a family, but my boyfriend's not. He's enjoying his bachelorhood -- in a different city. I couldn't even move if I wanted to. First, it's going to be hard finding another legal job that doesn't require "esq." and that pays this well. Second, the dog I got last Christmas, but didn't want and definitely didn't want to take care of (but now love to death) has destroyed my condo. I now have to install all new carpet and 2 windowsills. Oh yeah, he also ate my couch. Did I mention that the lease on my car expires in May, but I will be over the mileage by next month? The other car I've had since I turned 16 just went in the shop which means my money just went down the drain. A girl who had 1 credit card at graduation now has 4 and loans to pay. I could always ask my parents for money, but I feel like I've gotten myself into this state of unhappiness, and I need to be responsible and get myself out of it. I would give everything I have up just to pass the bar and work as a PD or ADA. I'd be poor, but at least I'd be happy.

Ready. Set. Go.

2007-11-01T06:43:00.001-07:00

Let me introduce myself.

I graduated from law school in 2006. I signed up to take the bar exam the following July...and February...and July...and now, February 2008. This time I'm going to try a different state. Perhaps I need a change of pace. In reality, I need my life to get settled. I'm the sort of person that gets distracted easily. There are so many other things that I need to do, and if they're not done then my world is falling apart. I really want this. I've been so close and so far. The first time, I didn't study so I didn't expect to pass. The second time, when my life was most at order, I only failed by 4 points -- that's 1 more point on the essays or 2 more points on the MBE. I studied hard and worked full time. This past May I landed a great paying legal job so I worked full time and studied for the bar. I can't afford to not work, but I can't afford not to pass this time. I have 2 other friends who took the exam for the third time in July. One passed and the other did not. Besides them, it feels like I am all alone. This is my outlet as well as my monitor.